Mustache Diaries - Forever/The Way We Were

Monday, December 08, 2008

i come to you tired, beaten, and unapologetic.

this was suppose to be fun, and i can't say that it wasn't. the safety of my friends and family come first. the information i am giving you is highly confidential. only you, the chosen, can know the details of my new life.

to everyone else, i am dead.

when you see me, it would be best if you'd refer to me as "doctor." not "doctor jason" or "doctor barton"... simply "doctor."

i've had to alter my appearance, as to keep those around me safe. i have enclosed a before and after picture below so that you will know who i am when you see me.



it will be hard at first. i didn't know that we could become so close so quickly. i didn't know that i would find new brothers throughout time... its almost like the 'stache came from within me. like it was a part of me.

to the Keepers of the Stache, i will forever be indebted. i owe you my life.

so, the next time you see that 15 year old kid with the fuzzy upper lip, don't discourage him. the path ahead of him is a rough one, but one that will be with him forever.

goodbye, my friend. you kept my upper lip warm on some fairly cool nights.

yours,
doctor

(play)

Mustache Diaries - Day 5/Trapped in the Closet

Saturday, December 06, 2008

it was a dark and stormy night... or so i hear.

i haven't seen another face for hours. i have been locked in this room, with no windows, no light, no food, and worst of all... no internet.

thankfully, i was able to time travel here long enough to let you know that we are no longer safe.

as i am sure you know, i am incredible physical condition. (this is only affirmed by the mane that flows from my lip.) but tonight, nearly a dozen men, nay- giants, were somehow able to apprehend me against my will.

i never got a good look at any faces, but you must know that they could come looking for you. they know that you know...

i can only hope that the KotS get word of my capture soon. before its too late.

if these are my last words, let them be this: where the heart is was a really bad movie.

with my dying cell phone:

Mustache Diaries - Day(s) 4/If I Could Turn Back Time

Friday, December 05, 2008

this is certainly the most interesting discovery to date. i know that i posted a blog less than 24 of your hours ago, but in some sort of reality, its been much longer.

as it turns out, captain kangaroo and i kind of hit it off. i know you are saying "captain kangaroo died in 1994." close, but no. (and how odd of you to pull a correct date out of the air. get a life!) bob keeshan, the man you may know as the beloved captain passed in '94, but the actual captain is alive in aught-8 and beyond!

have i said too much?

i have to be completely honest. because if this experiment doesn't have it's integrity, then what does it have?

the captain took me on an adventure through time, because he had to drop off einstein and roosevelt anyway. he showed me things i'd only seen in picture books before. but now, twenty-some-odd earth hours later, i stand before you, traveled as a stylish lipped gulliver of sorts.

forgive the quality of the pictures, as i had to use my cell phone to document our journey. if a picture is worth a thousand words, here are a few thousand just for you:

we first went to the time of dinosaurs. as you can see, i was taken a back!

we then went to the time of the pharoes, and i can tell you first hand that aliens did not help build the pyramids as some say. but they did shoot off the sphinx's nose! (just before i took this picture!)



i then decided to take a leap into yesteryear, and see what all this 'mohammed ali' fuss was about. again, i won't lie and say i beat ali, but i went 2 and a half rounds with glasses in tact.



and finally, cappy k wanted to take me to the time when the mustache was king. here i am at one jivin' disco. (the beegees are just to my right, but i accidentally cut them out).



getting back was a tale all its own. all i'll say is this; it involved two coconuts, a rabbit, and a cup of freddie mercury's tears.

i can only imagine what tomorrow will hold....................

Mustache Diaries - Day 3/Its a Lifestyle, Not a Choice

Thursday, December 04, 2008

i almost don't know how to explain tonight without just telling you. things happened tonight that i am not sure i should repeat, but in keeping with the social experiment, here goes nothing.

tonight i chose to go to this address at 7:30, given to me a night earlier. it started off innocent enough, a few guys having drinks in a hole in the wall pub. then a few of us, all with similar facial hair, were invited to the back room.

they were all there.

tom selleck, burt reynolds, albert einstein, jason lee, former president theodore roosevelt, and the head of the table... captain kangaroo.

these are some of the Keepers of the Stache. a brotherhood with ties ranging from the american government, to the k. g. b., to hollywood.

bonds were forged, oaths were taken, stories were told. burt reynolds told about how in 1986 he was in a bar fight, and he killed a guy with his mustache. the KotS kept it out of the media somehow.

together we fight against the uprise of the goatee. i think we all understand why, so i shant go into it now. i will only say that i know this is only the beginning of my adventure with the KotS. and though i am afraid, i know that with great mustache comes great responsibility.

remember the shibby.

that naive drive to the bar...

Mustache Diaries - Day 2/Hated, Wanted

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

remember back to when you got the car that you have now? the moment you drove it home, you noticed that there were a million more on the road now than just before you got it?

there are mustaches all over the place, i tell you. and the one unifying trait? the respect it commands.

there has definitely been a person or two that have not supported my upper lip achievement, but it isn't their fault. i never wanted to be this irresistible, and it'll all be over soon. just hang on, ladies (and fellas).

i went to publix tonight to purchase ingredients for the delicious dinner i prepared, and something kind of strange happened. the same guy that is always at the checkout (with mustache flailing) had a different glimmer in his eye. on the back of my receipt he wrote an address and said to meet him there for a get together tomorrow at 7:30. creepy.... but flattering, i suppose.

but, i came home and whipped up a home made macaroni and ham... thing. it was good.

instant chef; just add mustache!

Mustache Diaries - Day 1/Black by Popular Demand

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

so, after much egging and coaxing, i have to decided to bring my mustache to life more a little more than 5 minutes. he will live for one week (tentatively) as we figure out together; do the mustached really have more fun?

in this social experiment, we will see how the other side lives. this could be terribly boring, or possibly entertaining. you decide.

day one was ok. monday is my sunday, so i was off and lazy. just as zach and i got home from cici's, it was on (got my shave on!!). i had a previously grown what only resembled a pre-pubescent beard... and i must admit, i feel more masculine today.

the cool part is, at burger king, my mustache got a free soda. i was suppose to trade it for some sort of ride, i think she said... regardless, i dined quenched.

we came home and worked on sara's contest video, which rules. and we are going to win later this week for sure.

so, all in all, today was good. we are about 12 hours in, and i feel like a million bucks. see you tomorrow. same mustache time, same mustache channel!

here i am, making future award winning videos all while sporting the 'stache.